Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
