i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
