Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
