I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
