so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
