Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
