you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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