Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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