Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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