so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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