I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
