idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
