Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
