you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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