This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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