i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
