I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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