i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
