i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
