your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
