..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
