I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
