It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
