I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have fence marks all over my body
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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