I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
