Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
