I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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