I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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