Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
