We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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