She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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