He had one of those small greek statue penises
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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