You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
