Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
