you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
