He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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