I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
