dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
