I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
