brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
