Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
