When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
