just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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