Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
