with your own penis?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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