I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
