Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
