Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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