Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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