Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
