Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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