Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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