Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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